I feel so drained, even though I haven’t done any proper work yet. Is that even normal? Maybe it’s because I tend to overthink things, then by the time I get to doing it, I’m already too stressed to do anything.
I take a nap, then end up waking up more tired. I don’t nap; I get a throbbing headache and am incapable of achieving anything.
Then I question myself; if you can’t do college work, how are you going to function in the real world?
I can’t hid behind time anymore and say ” I’ll figure it out when I’m older”.
The clock is ticking and I don’t have much time left before I’m pushed out into the real world.
My panic is slowly starting to rise and I’m starting to feel anxious.
Maybe it’s my usual winter blues, when the days are short and the nights are long and I start to question myself.
But I know I have to keep fighting, I just don’t know how.
I know in my heart, that I can accomplish all the goals that I set myself up for; I just don’t know how.
Then, I thought to myself; ”What do I want?”
To be honest it was a hard question to answer, I thought of all the typical answers, like ”to make my parents proud, to have a comfortable life, to never be stuck for money, to be proud of myself”.
Then, I thought to myself; ”What do YOU want?”
I want to feel fulfilled. I definitely want all the things that I mentioned before but that won’t make me feel 100% fulfilled. I can’t see myself in a regular nine to five job with nothing else to look forward for.
I picked my course, Law,Economics and Politics because I know that these three subjects are what changes the system of a country from a first world country to a third world country.
How can I change the world when I can’t even change my life?
I’ve seen a lot of good people struggle with protecting themselves because they can’t find a good lawyer that believes in them and is willing to fight for them.
I know that I want to fight for them.
How can I do this, without fighting for myself?
Without working hard in college to understand how I can go about this.
So many people are deprived from an education, so I can I waste mine?
I think I’ve found my study motivation 🙂
Moral of the Story:
Before you help others, help yourself; otherwise your stealing time and hope from those how are in need.